Yes, I know they are 1980s-esque and beloved by the Taylor Swift-liking under 21 crowd. Which, besides the fact that I like TSwift, I have nothing in common with…as I haven’t been under 21 in a loooooong while.

But I can’t help it. Neons just make me happy.

So I made some stationary.

In neon blue, pink, and green.

Talk about saying HELLLOOOOOO I received a freaking letter when you open one of these suckers.

These are 5″x7″ size, which gives the cards a substantial impact. I also really enjoy the contrast of the old-school engraving fonts against the neon paper.

I resisted making envelope liners for these…but only because I didn’t have matching neon paper for that.

But seriously, neons.

Love.

Meet Textastrophe.

You know that moment you receive a random text and you want to respond? With something sort of snarky?

Or you see a phone number on Craigslist and think, “WTF. Why are you posting your number on Craigslist? Do you really need to sell the ab roller that bad?”

Good thing there is Textastrophe.

At this point, I don’t even care if it’s fake. (Which I suspect it is.)

I just know its beyond amusing.

Get ready to have your productivity take a nose-dive.

One of the first things I made was a three-bow headband. Grosgrain ribbon, satin ribbon, and elastic. Together?

A pretty sweet headband.

Satin ribbon is really hard to work with, so here’s to hoping you have nimble fingers. I use about 3 inches of elastic on the back part, so the headband has enough stretch to go over your head & stay in place. If you plan on wearing this with a ponytail, I’d suggest black ribbon and black elastic.

Here’s a close up. I stacked the bows a little bit, so they have more of a clustered effect rather than three in a row.

You can also make them with flowers.

It helps to have a mom with a pretty intense sewing closet. The flower on this one is made out of some kind of linen silk, which I snagged in a half-dozen colors. You need the fabric to have enough stiffness that the flower holds up.

Here is what it looks like in action, and you can find an easy-to-follow tutorial here.

(Mental note to self: do not EVER have a bob again. EVER.)

Or you can do other bows, like this.

These are super easy to make – and no two are alike, so it really just fuels my obsession with one-of-a-kind stuff.

Which brings me to the runaways.

Every spring, I have a dozen or so lilies that have decided to be born free fluffy, born free and escape the confines of their planters. (It’s that whole “self-propagating” part, you see).

So every spring I dig up the runaways and plant them someplace new, where they can grow and bloom and expand to their liking. But this year I decided to do something different.

I put the runaways up for adoption. Meaning, I made these cute mason jar flower holders, put two lily fans inside, and sent them home with some of my girl friends. To self-propagate in other peoples’ yards.

All you need is mason jars, some grosgrain ribbon, and cardstock. I used the jar lid to hold the flower tags on – which say “grow me!”  The tag pattern is available here – I just modified the text. Did I mention sharing flowers is way more eco-friendly than buying hot house bulbs? 

Add some special effects in a photo app, and you’re really fancy.

Doesn’t this just make you want to garden?

But only flowers folks, this girl doesn’t grow food.

And I mean a looooooooong week.

But don’t worry, I have the perfect Friday pick-me-up, courtesy of one LD.

Ever heard of Thug Kitchen?

Well, now you have.

Never trust a glove with a face.

Or so they say.

This stuff is deep bro, real deep.

And yes, I will get down on some lavender lemonade. LIKE A BOSS.

We went and stalked the longhorns.

And some cows.

Silver Cow.

Black cow.

Then we went to Hullabaloos. And Freebirds.

Like I said, pretty awesome.

So I made CPBF some epic macaroni and cheese. With bacon.

Because everything is better with bacon.

I wasn’t as much of a food pornographer as I normally am (probably too many mojitos and stalking hanging out with CPBF out at the grill…) but I still think it looks good.

And did I mention I wasn’t cooking on home turf? Always. Intimidating.

Here’s the deal. You melt the butter, whisk in the flour. (No whisk? Use a fork.) This is the ‘roux’ part which you need to thicken stuff up. Add in the milk, and cook over medium-low heat…until it thickens up. Make sure you keep stirring. Patience people!

Then, add in the cheddar & gruyere cheese, and whisk until smooth.

While the whole milk-thickening business is going on, boil some water for the pasta.

DO NOT add olive oil to the water. Hugest myth in pasta making. Oil will coat the pasta, and prevent your sauce from sticking to it. Do not add olive oil. Just some salt.

When you drain the pasta, reserve some of the cooking water – in case you need it to loosen up the sauce. (I doubt you will, but justin, justin case…)

So, after you drain the pasta, mix it with the cheese sauce, and pour into a baking dish. Top with the bacon, some more cheese, and 15 minutes later, epic mac and cheese.

I always put a cookie sheet under the pan while baking, in case stuff bubbles over.

Not going to lie, this was pretty awesome sauce. (and I don’t say that about everything I make, just some things.)

Macaroni & Cheese with Bacon Recipe:

• 8 – 12 oz. dry pasta, preferably elbows or similar shape
• 4 tablespoons unsalted butter
• 1/4 cup flour
• 2 cups whole milk
• 2 1/2 cups sharp white cheddar, grated
• 1 1/2 cups gruyere, grated
• 6 – 8 slices applewood smoked bacon

Preheat the oven to 375F. Cut the bacon into 1-inch pieces, and cook until crisp. In a saucepan, melt the butter over medium heat. Add in the flour and whisk until smooth. Slowly add in the whole milk, whisking continually. Continue whisking until mixture thickens, about 10 minutes. Add in all of the gruyere and 2 cups of the cheddar. Stir until melted.

When you start the butter, put on a pot of water to boil for the pasta. Cook until al dente and drain, reserving some of the cooking water. When the cheese sauce is ready, mix together the cheese sauce and the pasta, and pour into a casserole dish. Top with the bacon, and remaining 1/2 cup grated cheddar. Bake at 375F for 15 to 20 minutes, until cheese is melted and sauce is bubbling.

If you saw this yesterday, YOU DON’T SUCK. (her words, not mine).

I’m tempted to think this is a hoax. In fact, I think it might be.

Otherwise, this chick needs a reality show. STAT.

And then I need to become her friend. Or frenemy.

STAT.

Read all the juicy details here.

UPDATE:

Michael Shannon has obliged with a dramatic reading of said email. She’s still the most angry sorority girl ever, but this does have a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?

#LOVE.

And that’s all I have to say about today.

Oh, how I wish I was better at complaining giving feedback.

Overcooked steak? It’s not a big deal, I don’t mind.

Beans in my greens & sausage? No bother, I’ll just eat around them.

Completely horrible customer service at a store? Faulty product? Terribly long wait and then horrible service? Situations where I know something needs to be rectified? I tend to keep my mouth shut. 

(Likely because, for some freakishly odd reason, I can’t be bitchy to strangers.)

(Unless they are asking me for money.)

Which is why I’m glad overjoyed to have chanced upon The Complainer.

He is a professional complainer. Not in the awful “I just want to bitch about things way” but in the “I am dissatisfied, please work to remedy my situation and rectify this customer service failure” way.

Neighbors with a barking dog?

Bad haircut?

Missed flight?

Terrible time at your gym?

Writing a letter of complaint?

The Complainer has advice for it ALL. Let’s take the barking dog.

“You should obvious start to resolve the complaint in a civilised matter with a cosy chat with your neighbour.  Make sure that you drop by at an opportune moment and do not wade in with a hugely aggressive approach to the problem.”

Civilised (with an s!) matter? cosy (with an s!) chat? #LOVE HIM.

But don’t worry. He’s not a total pansy with his civilised chats. He goes on to talk about contacting your local PD with noise complaints, and the SPCA if you see the animal being treated cruelly. (and he cares about animals!)

THE BEST PART? He’s British, and feels it’s so very un-British to complain, but he doesn’t want to be a twitching rabbit and has realized realised that by being politely assertive you can stop receiving the short straw.

I bet my complaints constructive criticisms would sound way better if I had a British accent too.

My latest amazing read was Rules of Civility by Amor Towles.

It was one part Great Gatsby, one part Gossip Girl, and one part Girls.

The story follows two girl friends trying to make it in NYC in the late 1930s. Throw in a chance meeting with a rich bachelor at a dive bar…and the story takes off from there.

It’s not so much a scandalous story as it is a real life story. It was like reading about my early twenties, only with more fabulous clothes and jazz clubs. And let’s be reasonable – what girl hasn’t been in the tripod situation before? We all know that two girls and one guy can never be just friends, especially when girl A likes the guy who likes girl B. It just doesn’t work.

But, we have all been there, and we have all been on both sides of it – it’s just the way life and relationships go.

And the main character? Katey Kontent? Love her. She navigates up the NYC social strata and has a fabulous time doing it, all in between her secretary job and fifteen-cent gin martinis. LOVE HER.

Read this book. No, seriously, read this book.